Your first Christmas as a grandma counts most when you make it smaller than you want to. Ask the parents what their plan is before you make one of your own. Choose one tradition you can repeat every year, not six. Buy one good gift and one book. Offer to be the person who holds the baby while everybody else eats hot food. And take a photograph of yourself with that baby, because you will be behind the camera all day otherwise. The baby will not remember this Christmas. The parents will remember exactly how you behaved at it.
It is their first Christmas too
I waited a long time to be a grandma, and by the first December I had the whole day planned in my head. The baby in the red outfit I’d bought. Everyone at my table. My tree, my stockings, my ham.
Then the parents said, kindly, that they were thinking of waking up in their own house this year.
That is the thing nobody tells a new grandmother. This is the parents’ first Christmas as parents, and they have been picturing it as long as you have. There may also be another set of grandparents picturing the same baby at their table. Three households cannot all have Christmas morning.
So the first job of the season is a phone call in November, and you ask one question: “What are you two hoping Christmas looks like this year?” Then you listen all the way to the end. Whatever part they offer you, take it gladly. Christmas Eve lunch, the afternoon of the 25th, the Saturday before: any of them can be your Christmas. My first time grandma guide calls this the golden rule, and December is when it gets tested.
Pick one tradition, not six
A first Christmas makes a grandmother want to start everything at once: matching pajamas, a special plate, an ornament, a carol, a stocking she knitted herself. Start one thing this year. You can add another next year, when you know what the family actually enjoyed.
The best first-year traditions are the ones a baby can take part in simply by being there:
- An ornament with their hand or foot in it. A no-bake clay set like the Pearhead Babyprints ornament kit takes ten minutes and a calm baby. Ask a parent to hold while you press. Write the year on the back.
- One book, read aloud every year. I chose The Night Before Christmas in a board-book edition, because a board book survives being chewed. Write the date and a line from you inside the cover. In five years the child will read your handwriting.
- One carol. Sing the same one every time you hold the baby near the tree.
- A letter. Write the baby a short letter about this first Christmas and seal it for their eighteenth. It costs nothing.
If you want ideas for the years ahead, my post on Christmas traditions with grandkids sorts them by age, from babies to six-year-olds.
Keep the gifts small this year
A baby at Christmas wants the wrapping paper, the ribbon and your face. You could give them an empty box and they would call it a good morning.
So this is the year to hold back. Ask the parents what they need, since they know which size the baby is about to grow into and what they have no room for. One useful thing, one book, and perhaps something toward the future is plenty. Leave the loud, flashing toy on the shelf. The rules I follow, and the ones parents quietly wish all grandparents followed, are in my guide to Christmas gifts for grandkids.
One more thought on gifts. Somebody in your family may be wondering what to get you. If they ask, tell them the truth: a printed photograph of you with the baby. I made a list of gifts a new grandma actually wants, and that one sits at the top.
Guard the nap, and know the sleep rules
A house full of relatives is hard on a baby. Everyone wants a turn holding them, the room is warm and loud, and the nap gets pushed back until the baby falls apart at dinner.
You can be the one who prevents that. Ask the parents when the naps are, and when the time comes, say it out loud for them: “I think someone’s ready for a sleep. I’ll take the dishes.” New parents often find it hard to pull a baby away from an adoring great-aunt. A grandmother can do it without offending anyone.
The safe-sleep rules do not change for the holiday, and some of them are different from what we were taught. The American Academy of Pediatrics’ page on preventing SIDS says that if a baby “falls asleep in a car seat, stroller, swing, infant carrier or infant sling, they should be moved to a firm, non-inclined sleep surface as soon as possible.” So the baby asleep in the swing beside the tree makes a sweet picture, and then somebody carries them to the crib. On their back, with nothing else in there.
A baby who dozes off on your chest while you sit awake on the sofa is one of the best parts of the job. If you feel your own eyes closing, and after a big lunch you will, hand the baby to someone else or lay them down in the crib first.
A busy day, and the nap still happens
Betteroo builds an age-based sleep plan the parents can share with Grandma, so the whole house knows when the next nap is due.
Take the sleep quiz →
Get in the photograph
I have boxes of Christmas photographs from when my children were small, and I am in almost none of them. I was holding the camera.
Don’t repeat that as a grandmother. Hand your phone to someone and ask for one picture of you and the baby by the tree. Hair unbrushed is fine. You won’t care about your hair in twenty years, and neither will the child.
Before you share it anywhere, ask the parents. Many young families have firm rules about baby pictures online, and “may I send this to my sister?” takes five seconds. If they say yes and you want words to go with it, Betteroo has a page of lines for a baby’s first holiday picture that are short enough for the back of a print.
If you won’t be there
Some first Christmases happen four states away, or at the other grandparents’ house.
It still counts. Post the book and the ornament kit early so they arrive before the day. Ask for a ten-minute video call at a time that suits the baby, not the middle of dinner. Then choose a date in January, when flights are cheaper and the parents are worn out, and have your Christmas then. A baby is just as happy with wrapping paper on the ninth of January.
FAQ: first Christmas as a grandma
What should a grandma do for baby’s first Christmas?
Ask the parents their plan, then add one small thing of your own: an ornament, a book or a letter. Offer practical help on the day, such as holding the baby during the meal and protecting the nap.
How much should a grandma spend on a baby’s first Christmas?
Less than you’re tempted to. A baby needs very little, and the parents have limited space. One useful gift chosen with the parents and one book is enough.
What if the parents spend Christmas with the other grandparents?
Take the day you’re offered and treat it as the real thing. A calm visit on the 27th is often better than a crowded hour on the 25th, and it sets a fair pattern for the years to come.
