Christmas Eve Candlelight Service With Grandkids: A Plan

A small grandchild can come to a candlelit carol service with you and still sleep well that night, if the evening is planned like a bedtime rather than an outing. Agree on the service with the parents first, and go for the earliest one that still has candles. Do the bedtime routine at home, before anyone puts on a coat. Give the child a battery candle while a grown-up holds the real flame. Sit near the back on the aisle. And plan the drive home so a sleeping child goes from the car seat straight to a flat bed.

Pick the service before you pick the outfit

The lights go down, the flame passes along the pew, and the whole church sings “Silent Night” in the dark. In many churches it is also the latest service of the year, which is the problem with a two-year-old on your lap.

Check the church’s Christmas schedule first. Plenty of churches hold an earlier family service on Christmas Eve as well as the late one, and it is usually shorter, noisier and kinder to children. A rough guide, which the parents will adjust:

• Babies: the early service, or no service.
• Toddlers: the early service only. One hour is a long time to be quiet at two.
• Four to six: a 7 p.m. service may work for a child who is excited about the candles and had a good nap. An 11 p.m. one is a gamble, and Christmas morning collects on it.

At a Christingle service, each child gets an orange with a lit candle pushed into it. Wikipedia’s Christingle history traces the custom to a Moravian bishop in 1747, as “an attempt to get children to think about Jesus.” If that is your church, read the candle section twice.

Christmas Eve often belongs to the parents’ own plans, which is why my Christmas traditions with grandkids post starts with that conversation. Invite, don’t announce.

Do bedtime before you leave the house

Bath at five, teeth brushed, pajamas on, one short story. Then warm clothes go on over the pajamas, and you leave. When the child falls asleep on the way home, as they will, the routine is already done.

Car seats need one rule in winter. The American Academy of Pediatrics’ winter car seat guidance says bulky clothing, “including winter coats and snowsuits, should not be worn underneath the harness of a car seat,” because the padding flattens in a crash and leaves the straps loose. Dress the child in thin layers instead, buckle them in snugly, and then put the coat on backwards over the straps or tuck a blanket over the top. The AAP’s test: if you can pinch the harness straps, they need tightening.

For the pew, pack a snack that doesn’t crunch, a soft toy and a board book, and nothing that rattles.

Real candles and small hands

The National Fire Protection Association’s candle safety page notes that Christmas is the peak day for candle fires and suggests thinking about flameless candles instead.

My rule is that the grown-up holds the real candle and the child holds a pretend one. A short battery taper, such as these KSWING flameless taper candles, looks right in a small fist, and nobody gets wax on their Christmas dress.

Before you hand any battery candle to a small child, check the battery door. The National Capital Poison Center’s button battery tips list “tea lights and flameless candles” among the household items that hold button batteries. A swallowed one can cause serious burns if it sticks in a child’s throat. The center says to make sure battery compartments are “secured shut,” and to tape any a child could open. A screwdriver-closed compartment is best. A toddler who mouths everything should hold your hand, not a candle.

If an older child does get a real flame, as at a Christingle, an adult’s hand stays under theirs the whole time. Tie back long hair, push up fluffy sleeves, and tip the unlit candle toward the lit one, never the burning one down. Blow it out together the moment the last verse ends.

Teach the carols the week before

I taught second grade for thirty-one years, and the children who loved the winter concert were the ones who knew the words beforehand. A child who knows “Silent Night” by heart sings in the candlelight. One who doesn’t wriggles.

Start a week ahead and sing the candle carol at every bedtime. Betteroo’s carols and sing-alongs sorted by age suggests Jingle Bells and other short, repetitive songs for toddlers. It names Silent Night as a calm bedtime wind-down.

In the pew: the seat and the exit

Arrive early and sit at the end of a pew near the back. The grown-up most willing to leave sits nearest the aisle, and in my family that is me. I have heard plenty of sermons; the parents haven’t heard the choir in years.

Watch for the second wind. A tired child at nine o’clock is not drowsy but giggly, loud and suddenly interested in the pew in front. That is the overtired stage I describe in taking a baby to a wedding reception, and the answer is the same. Step out to the lobby, walk a little, and come back for the candles if you can.

A baby who dozes off in your arms during the service is fine while you are awake and holding them. The flat bed comes as soon as you are home.

One late night, then back on track Betteroo builds an age-based sleep plan the parents can share with Grandma, so everyone knows when the real bedtime and the next nap fall. Take the sleep quiz →

The drive home and the transfer

Most nights, the child is asleep before you leave the parking lot. The AAP’s guidance on preventing SIDS is plain about what happens next: if a baby “falls asleep in a car seat, stroller, swing, infant carrier or infant sling, they should be moved to a firm, non-inclined sleep surface as soon as possible.” So don’t carry the whole car seat inside and leave the baby in it for the night. Unbuckle, lift, and carry the child to their crib or bed.

Take the coat off and the hat off before they go down. Betteroo’s advice to dress for the room, not the weather outside fits this exactly: aim for a room of about 68 to 72°F and dress for that. Babies under a year go into a sleep sack, not under a blanket. On their back, in a bare crib, with nothing else in it. My safe sleep rules for grandparents has the full list, and it doesn’t change on Christmas Eve.

If the child wakes during the transfer, keep it short: pajamas are on, teeth are done, so it’s one verse of the carol and lights out. Don’t start the routine again from the top.

If the grandkids are sleeping over, remember that a late night rarely buys a late morning. Excited small children still wake at dawn on Christmas, and my Christmas morning at grandma’s plan covers the 5 a.m. riser and the nap the day still needs.

FAQ: little ones at a candlelight service

What age can a child go to a Christmas Eve candlelight service?

Any age, if the parents want them there. The question is which service. Babies and toddlers do best at an early family service. Many four- to six-year-olds can manage an evening one with a good nap behind them.

Should a toddler hold a real candle?

No. Give them a battery candle whose battery door is screwed or taped shut, and let a grown-up hold the real flame. An older child with a real candle needs an adult’s hand under theirs.

Can my grandchild stay asleep in the car seat once we’re home?

No. The AAP says a baby who falls asleep in a car seat should be moved to a firm, flat sleep surface as soon as possible. Carry them to their own crib or bed.

Will a late service ruin Christmas morning?

Usually not. Expect a tired, grumpy day. An earlier bedtime on Christmas night is generally enough to put things right.